Bittersweet

I came across this blog post from Amy Riordan and thought it was worded perfectly. After having lived this out, I hope you find this helpful. Thanks for reading!

                                           

Bitterness is described in the bible as a root that brings forth destructive fruit.  We don’t always recognize it for what it is, but it’s effects are deadly.  Bitterness can start out as something so small that we don’t even notice it.  This is one of the reasons that forgiving others is so important.  Unresolved unforgiveness can result in bitterness that destroys your life and those around you.

Heb 12:15 says, ‘See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled’

I find it interesting that bitterness is described as a root.  Roots grow underground for quite some time without becoming visible. They are there, you just can’t see them.  The root of bitterness begins to grow very quietly.  By the time it sprouts up, a lot has already taken place “underground” to destroy your heart.  Let’s face it.  It can feel really good to stay mad at someone!  It can also feel really good to plot out in your mind what you would do to this person if you had the chance. I know this all too well!

I have recently had to forgive someone who has hurt me.  It would be so easy to stay angry and keep plotting in my mind all of the things I would do “if I wasn’t a Christian”. The fact is, though, I AM a Christian!  Being a Christian does not make me perfect, but it does show me a better way of living. Following Christ has shown me how to be the better person in a situation when people do their best to hurt me.

How do you know you may have a root of bitterness?

• Are you continually thinking destructive thoughts about someone?
• Are you happy at the misfortune of somebody?
• Do you wish harm upon someone?
• Are you always thinking up scenarios in your head about what you wish you could do to someone to harm them?
• Do you feel sick to your stomach when you see a person you don’t like?
• Do you find yourself trying to turn others against someone you dislike?

If you can relate to any of these examples, I caution you to be careful!  All of us have been hurt by people. Sometimes they hurt us on purpose, and this can feel like someone just drove a stake through our hearts. Other times, people can hurt us when it’s not intentional. Either way, forgiveness is not an option. Even if the person who hurts us does not realize what he/she did (or denies it), we are to forgive. We have to be very purposeful in forgiving, before a root of bitterness is planted in us.  I’ve learned that holding onto unforgiveness only hurts me, not the one who hurt me!

Joyce Meyer said in her book, “Beauty For Ashes”, this statement regarding unforgiveness:

“First, let me say that it is not possible to have good emotional health while harboring bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die! Unforgiveness poisons anyone who holds it, causing him to become bitter. And it is impossible to be bitter and get better at the same time!”

The bible also tells us that if we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us!
Mark 11:25-26 says “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your sins.”

This puts it in a new light for me.  I cannot imagine how many times God has had to forgive me!  (And how many MORE times He will need to forgive me before I die!) I don’t want to put myself in the position of God not forgiving me just because I am too prideful to forgive someone else.  That’s a dangerous place to be in, and it’s not worth it!

Is it easy to forgive?  No

Does forgiving mean that we are justifying what the other person did?  No

Do we still need to forgive because we are commanded to do so?  Yes

Are we set free as a result of forgiving?  Yes!

When we choose to forgive, we are set free from anger, bitterness and the destruction it places on our hearts.  Forgiveness can be a journey, but it’s worth the work it takes to get there!  Don’t let your heart be bitter against anyone.  Ask God to show you how to forgive anyone you may be holding unforgiveness against.  It’s not going to be easy, but the rewards are so worth it!  You will allow God to bless you with peace and healing in your heart and life if you choose His way and forgive.

Dear Lord, please show me if there is anyone that I need to forgive. Forgiving them means that I am choosing Your way, instead of my own.  Thank you, Jesus, for revealing to me the damage that unforgiveness and bitterness can cause.  I want to be free from it all and follow Your way – which always leads to freedom.  Thank you, Jesus! In Your name I pray.  Amen.

Skunk or Rose

Jason and I have been blessed with a colorful past together that we have been able to use to hopefully help others.  We have facilitated...ok-mostly him...many biblical based marriage classes in the recent past.  Our most recent one is my favorite, Love and Respect.  There are many gut wrenching truths that were revealed in the study and tools to overcome some common struggles that marriages encounter. Honestly, these principles apply to any relationship. 

Marriage was designed by God not to make us happy, but to make us holy.  It represents the relationship of Christ and the church. It reveals many things about us- some good and some not so good.  But one of the themes of the Love and Respect series was...my response is my responsibility.  And I was reminded that really this applies to any relationship we have.  Marriage is hard. People are different. Relationships are difficult. But overall...your response is your responsibility.
No matter what is done or said to you or about you and yours...to your face....behind your back....expected or unexpected-its not the person or the words that cause us to react in a negative way. Ok , I will quit sugar coating things...the person or the words don't cause us to be shocked, angry, hurt, bitter etc.... Those are choices we make!  The person or the incident does not CAUSE us to act the way we do , yet it REVEALS the way that we are. So ask yourself...what is it that will spill out...Will you be a skunk or a rose?  We can only change how we act/react to things. How we act/react will not change someone's bad behavior.  No way, no how! Being loud and disrespectful with our hands on our hips won't change the other person.  Stonewalling won't change the other person.   

Another favorite concept that can certainly apply to all relationships is that Christ is revealed TO others in how we TREAT others.  Whoa! Because we love God and because we are followers of Christ, we must treat others with the love of Christ.  So in other words...It's not about you and ________, it's about you and Christ.  Here comes the part that made me almost bolt out of the Sunday School room.  Everything we do/say to our spouse, we do/say to Christ. The way we interact in conflict with others not only reveals who we are but it is also a way of revealing Christ to others and it just may be that person you are yelling at or being ugly to. So next time there is conflict with a spouse or a friend, an opportunity to speak negative against someone, a negative conversation that you dont have to attend, just  picture Christ and ask yourself , "If this were Christ, would I be doing or saying these things?"

We can kick and scream all we want thinking we are all right and they are all wrong. But in the end, is that the resolution? No...we remember that the person or the circumstance is not the enemy- it is Satan, the Father of all discord and chaos who would love for people to be at each others throats.  We remember that God is love and we are made in His image.  We remember our response is our responsibility...no matter what! We remember that our lives as Christians should be living examples of Christ.

So when someone bumps into you, what will be revealed...a skunk or a rose?